Statystyki pokazują, że
Kasyno-Internetowe znajduje się na ścieżce wzrostowej pod względem liczby aktywnych użytkowników. Today's gamblers have access to more options than ever before. Zero playthrough conditions on free spins and bonuses are verified at
No-Wagering-Casino. Take the first step today.
Dijital dünyada popülerliği artan casino siteleri kategorileri tercih ediliyor.
Ruletin popülaritesi, Bettilt bonus kodu tarafından düzenlenen canlı turnuvalarla daha da artmıştır.
Bahis dünyasında kullanıcıların %45’i kadınlardan oluşmaktadır; bu oran 5 yıl önce %30’du ve Bahsegel gitiş kadın kullanıcı sayısını artırmaktadır.
Birleşmiş Milletler Ticaret Raporu’na göre, online bahis pazarında mobil işlemler 2024 yılı itibarıyla toplam işlemlerin %78’ini oluşturmaktadır; bahsegel güncel bu da’in mobil odaklı yapısını doğrular.
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Dear Keith,
Recently I felt that God was urging me to write a letter to another Christian telling her that she was arrogant and unloving and was very vain about her physical appearance. In what I considered to be obedience I wrote the letter. My friend not only did not receive the letter well; she blasted me in return, telling me that my letter was more judgmental and arrogant than she had ever been. And she proceeded to criticize me about several areas I’m very sensitive about in my own life.
I now realize that the letter was judgmental, but how can I know in advance whether something like this is God’s will? I want to help the people around me to see the light and change.
Paul Tournier points out in one of his books, The Violence Within, that the main trouble with violent or aggressive acts (for which your letter would qualify) is that they trigger defensiveness and greater violent or aggressive acts. If you had reacted to your friend’s reaction, you could have escalated your feelings until one of you resorted to physical violence or ran away from the relationship.
Confronting someone directly with his or her faults is a notoriously ineffective way to produce change in other people. The only luck I’ve had in talking to people about the problems and failures involved in trying to live for God has been by talking about my own problems and failures and pointing beyond the problems to the hope I’m finding in Christ as I try to work through the difficulties of life.
You ask how you might know in advance whether something like your urge to write the letter really was God’s will. I’m not sure, but I find that when God seems to be speaking to me about a certain behavior in someone else, my first step had better be to examine my own life with regard to that behavior. When something someone else is doing really upsets me, it is often because I have a similar problem hidden from myself in my own life.
Jesus said that before we try to take the speck of sawdust out of a brother or sister’s eye we’d better first get the plank out of our own. Then we won’t feel much like bugging our brother or sister about his or her “specks”.
I don’t know how you see Jesus, but several places he said the bottom line is always to love your brothers and sisters “the way I have loved you.” (Jn. 13:35) And Jesus decided that the best way to straighten us all out was to die for us—to love us enough to kiss goodbye that which was most important to him, his life and ministry, in order to let us know that God and he really love us. And from God’s perspective, “this is how much he loved the world. He gave his son, his one and only son, for us. (Jn. 3:16-18)
So although I have often been uncomfortable with some of the faults of my friends and relatives, I have discovered that almost always there is something I do of which I’m not aware that contains some aspect of the faults I see in other people. For example, the first thing your friend did was to point to your having the same problem of which you accused her. It has been very hard for me to realize that I could have a serious problem like those I see in others and basically not be aware of having them. But I do.
Dear Lord, it is so hard sometimes for me to tolerate a friend’s or family member’s irritating behavior. I just want to blurt out, “Can’t you see how irritating you are?” And I confess that sometimes I do try to get it across, though not in those exact words. But other times your presence prevails and I am able to bite my tongue, though I notice I avoid that person more and more. Thank you for providing a way for me to unlock my own denied “fault vault,” and to face my own irritating behavior that has other people biting their tongues. Help me with your grace to find the humility to own these faults and bring them to you for healing, so that I may become less irritating and more understanding, patient and loving toward others. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Paul said, “Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does.” (1 Cor. 14:1.)
“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, and criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. Matthew 7:1-5 (The Message)
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Keith, I’ve recently come back to church. Rather, a good way to put it is I’ve found a church that explains Christianity in a way that makes more sense than what I got out of church when I was young. The service I’ve been going to is designed for people who are searching, as I was. But now I feel like I’m ready to grow, and I’m wondering what “spiritual” maturity would be. I’m very confused about this and would appreciate any help you can give me.
It’s great that you’ve found a place where some of your spiritual questions are being explored, and even answered. As far as “spiritual” maturity goes, I’m not really sure what it is. But there are some behaviors and attitudes that seem to me to indicate a person has begun to allow God to transform his or her life and become more mature.
For instance, as God’s transformative process begins to take place, many people seem to be able to see and take responsibility for their own sins and mistakes. Once they identify them, they confess them to God and make whatever restitution is helpful (and not destructive) to those they have hurt or wronged. Most of us blame other people, “explain ourselves,” and try to get out of admitting our own sins.
Also it seems to me that those who appear to be spiritually mature don’t seem to have to get credit for the good things they do for others. They seem to find time to help and encourage people with real needs and pains, whereas most of us are too busy to help people much of the time and when we do we expect credit and gratitude for being helping persons.
Another indicator for me is that spiritually mature people seem to have the ability to face openly the doubts and uncertainties about God and about what his will is, while continuing to live and act in faith. I’ve often been afraid even to admit that I don’t know where I am going or what God’s will is much of the time—even as a professional, but I find myself being more loving and less defensive.
I see spiritual maturity in people who face tragedy or failure with their real feelings of anger and grief and then try to learn through the circumstances rather than wallow in self-pity and accusation.
They are more and more able to face the faults and sins of the people around them without being judgmental and condemning them—even if the other peoples’ behavior is not something they approve and is something they would condemn in themselves.
Although I could list many other traits which might indicate spiritual maturity, I think some of them can be summed up by saying that a spiritually mature person might be willing to surrender his or her whole life to God and want to do God’s will in every area of his or her life—not for what the person can get but simply because he or she loves God and is grateful for the love, life and forgiveness God has given.
Dear Lord, thank you that you love me just as I am—but when I try to surrender my whole life to you and am willing, you allow me to see and confess my self-centeredness and hurtful behavior that come from wanting my own will instead of yours. Help me to “grow up” into the authentically loving and caring person I believe you made me to be—who doesn’t have to be right or in control of other people and the situations we share. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him…[so]…fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out…[and let] God bring the best out of you.” Romans 12:1 The Message
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
For years I have been a basically lonely person, actually it seems like always. When I became a Christian as a single adult some years ago, it helped, but I was still lonely. I figured it was natural though since I wasn’t married. But fifteen months ago I married a lovely Christian woman and we have been very happy. The only trouble (and you’ll probably think I am crazy), lately I have realized that I’m still a basically lonely person. What’s the matter with my faith? Or my marriage?
Thanks for sharing your lonely feelings. That was an important step that helped me get beyond mine. I don’t know that anything is necessarily the matter with your faith or your marriage. There is a common notion among Christians that if you are a “committed Christian” and happily married you couldn’t really be a lonely person. But I think this is a serious misunderstanding of our basic human condition. I believe that all people are lonely at times unless they have repressed their feelings. Some years ago I was surprised to read about one of my Christian heroes, the priest-scientist Pierre Teilhard, that although he was a real optimist (he attributed a sense of direction to the universe in spite of the existence of evil and in spite of appearances), he was evidently often lonely in his personal daily life and “far from being an optimist. He bore with patience, it is true, trials that might well have proved too much for the strongest of us, but how often in intimate conversation have I found him depressed and with almost no heart to carry on… and he sometimes felt that he could venture no further. During that period he was prostrated by fits of weeping, and he appeared to be on the verge of despair.” (See introduction to “Letters from a Traveler” by Pierre Teilhard.)
As I have studied the lives of the saints—married and single—I have come to believe that the deepest kind of human loneliness is universal and is not caused by rejection or failure of faith as we often suspect. No success, no beautiful, loving wife or husband or intimate embrace and tender kiss, no community, no woman or man or child will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition. I see this loneliness as the hunger for ultimate acceptance and completion which brings us back to God again and again.
But not recognizing and accepting that basic loneliness is real and natural leads us to make exhausting demands on ourselves and the people around us to fill a need we believe can be satisfied by an ideal human relationship and/or massive human approval and affirmation. Finally we may become bitter and hostile when we start discovering that nobody and nothing can live up to our total expectations (to eliminate our loneliness). Some people keep rejecting prospective mates, and others ruin their marriages or vocational partnerships because they have the idea that the right marriage partner or business partner should be able to take away their basic loneliness as Christians.
By getting with some men for a number of years now who also believe in God and in sharing our real lives, and praying for each other, I’ve learned that we’re a lot more alike that I could have imagined. As we’ve shared our feelings, God has normalized our loneliness. And now loneliness for me—when I finally quit fighting and fearing it—has become a time to do simple things like filing notes, writing letters, reading articles I’m behind on, and praying, (thanking God in the awareness of my finitude—which loneliness brings—that he loves me). And gratitude for the real and present blessings in my life,—that I didn’t even notice when I was so busy trying to get people to meet my needs…blessings like “sight” (two cataract operations this month), “a place to sleep and work,” “the ability to walk and do strength training, and gratitude for family members and a deepening relationship with God.
God, when I am restless and miserable because of loneliness, struggling to figure out why I’m lonely, wondering what is wrong with me, help me to remember that periods of feeling lonely are a natural part of being human. Help me to stop fighting and fearing being lonely and afraid sometimes, and to learn to keep moving through my days, turning my focus away from my own condition toward you, and toward doing something for someone else who may be feeling lonely, too. I am very grateful that you faced loneliness and provided a way that we’ll never have to be alone again. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Jesus’ solution to our deepest loneliness: Knowing how great the fear of loneliness is, Jesus said before leaving the disciples,
“I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can’t take him in because it doesn’t have eyes to see him, doesn’t know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you!” John 14:15-17, The Message
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Sometimes I feel like a terrible phony. I don’t feel as if I can be myself anywhere. I seem to have at least five different personalities—most of which don’t feel like the real me. I’m one person at home with my family, another at work, another when I go out on dates, another at church and still another as I sit here and write to you and think about things like this.
And I see other people around me who don’t seem to like what they are being or doing. Why am I afraid to be myself? And secondly, how do we get this way? (I’m assuming and hoping there are others like me.) And finally, how does a Christian find herself (or himself)?
In the first place there are other people like you. It seems that most of us are afraid to be ourselves in some circumstances and are afraid that if we were our “natural” selves we wouldn’t be loved. At least I am that way. The surprise to me has been that since I began to try to write and speak what I really feel about most things, some people seem to like me better.
But I’ve thought a lot about the questions, “Why am I afraid to be myself?” and “How did I get this way?”
Dr. Paul Tournier has helped me a lot with these questions. He believed, in essence, that each of us is born as a sort of natural responder to life. When we like someone or something, we smile and go for it. When we don’t like something or someone, we frown and/or howl and push away. Tournier calls this natural responder the “person.”
But it seems that one of the basic needs this little person has is to be loved. So the “natural,” little person is fine as long as he or she is receiving love (and the necessary basic material things). But one day the child does something that displeases a parent. For example, let’s say that a father sees his little boy playing with his sister’s doll, and angrily says, “Put that doll down. That’s a girl’s toy!” As the boy watches his disgusted father walk away, he may receive only the message that his father will not love him if he touches or likes anything that girls like. And from then on a series of changes can take place in the boy.
In an intense effort to win his father’s love, he may try to hide from his father any feelings or actions he thinks might have to do with girl-things, such as dolls—which may include his interest in art or music or anything else which might in the child’s mind be associated with his father’s evident disgust. So the son may work hard to become a fine athlete while repressing his intuitive sensitive side—thus, perhaps, killing a potential artist, musician, actor or writer. When the boy grows up and marries, this fear of losing his father’s love may even go so far as to hamper his ability to relate intimately to his wife. But of course by this time he has long since “forgotten” the father’s attitude, and believes that any natural interest in anything his father considered “feminine” should be squelched.
On the other hand, in order to win his or her parent’s love a child may be rewarded for certain behaviors. A three-year-old boy in church may say a loud “Amen” at the end of a sermon. The mother’s eyes get wide—and may even tear up. She reaches over and hugs and kisses the child and whispers to his father, “Did you hear Johnny?” And a minister is born.
That little boy realizes that he will be loved and admired if he prays, goes to Sunday school, and talks about God. Forty years later the boy, now grown, and an ordained minister (or banker, artist, or whatever his parents loved him for showing signs of becoming) realizes he wasn’t “called” but “sent” to his vocation. But of course the man had not been conscious of why he was doing what he was.
Fortunately, most people who start out from these parental love-winning motivations wind up liking the vocation they choose. But many don’t and never know why. Their lives are filled with unreal behaviors which are performed for parents perhaps no longer living. And this unreality makes people feel miserable and phony.
When I got to the end of my rope, I decided to turn as much of my life as I could over to as much of God as I could understand at the time. I knew I didn’t know who I was underneath all my efforts to achieve. And I was driven inside to think that everything I did was not enough. It was then I learned that I’d have to listen for God’s voice in my prayer time. Gradually I began to see that if I would give God my whole life each morning and then look and listen for his will in the office in which I worked and at home with my wife and kids, I could get out of myself enough to try to do things to love God and the people he’d already put in my world, and help them have a better life.
I realize this sounds pretty radical, but trying to turn the driver’s seat of my life over to God has brought me the only peace and experience of “who I am” that I’ve ever had.
One of the miracles of the Gospel is that God loves us “just as we are,” and this is a free gift for which we don’t owe God. But if we surrender our lives to God, we find that God will help each of us to discover and become the creative, loving person He’s created us to be. Then we won’t have to “perform” or live out other peoples’ expectations when we are adults in order to be loved unconditionally.
I know this in my head and am trying to learn to live it out in my relationships. Those times when I can be the honest and loving person I want to be, I love life, people and God much more. And having found some brother and sister Christians who are also struggling to commit their lives to God and to learn to be authentic persons, I’m finding some real hope—and help.
God, thank you that you love me just as I am—even during times when I struggle with several different sets of behaviors to suit different situations. I surrender my life to you today. Help me to “lean into your love,” to discover and become the “authentic person” you created me to be, and to begin to show that authenticity in all the settings of my life—at home, at church, at work, and with friends. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
“Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?
Matthew 16:24, The Message
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Hi Keith! Here’s a question about something that’s been bothering me for quite a while. I’ve been a minister for over ten years. For most of that time, I have felt very fulfilled even though I’ve worked really hard in the many roles of being a pastor, a preacher, a counselor, a visitor to the sick, etc. But for the past year or so, this feeling of resentment is creeping into my life, especially when I’ve had a really busy week and somebody asks me to add one more thing to my schedule. I’m praying about it to find out what it might mean, and I wanted to ask, have you ever felt similar feelings in your work?
Well, I’m glad you brought that up. I became aware that I had feelings of resentment toward people I’ve felt called to “serve” one morning while I was in another town (away from home), visiting a pastor friend of mine. It started very early that morning, when he came to my motel to pick me up.
“Good morning!” he said—too brightly, it seemed to me—“Did you get a good night’s sleep?”
I just looked at him for a few seconds as he walked past me into my motel room. He had to be kidding. This man had brought me back to the motel after midnight from the meeting with college kids, after the reception, after the big meeting in the church’s sanctuary…which had come on the heels of a small dinner party. I had arrived in town about five o’clock from an all-day flight, following some similar marathon-type church meetings the week before. Just before he said good night at the motel he had announced that at 6:30 the next morning he was picking me up to take me to an “informal breakfast” he had arranged where I was to speak to about forty men. I was so tired that I felt a little sick at my stomach.
Actually, I like the man who was standing there talking to me. He is a great guy and I think he is honest, courageous, and a deeply committed Christian minister. But something was definitely wrong between us. Then I recognized my feeling—resentment, raw resentment, and I had not even been able to admit it consciously. I was mad at myself, too, for letting him get me into all this. I recalled telling him over the telephone before I came that I was very tired and had three strenuous days of meetings immediately following my stop off with him and I was looking forward to a visit with him. He had called back and said he planned a gathering for me to get acquainted with a “few of the people” who had been involved in small groups in his church. But the real purpose of my stopping, as I had understood it, was so that the minister and I could have some time to hang out.
The intimate dinner party was pleasant, but there was a large crowd of more than a hundred people at the meeting after dinner. I was happy to speak with them since I have always tried to help small groups develop. Then after I spoke, there were thirty minutes of direct questions—followed by two later “unscheduled” meetings. To have refused to speak again would have seemed to me at that time to be un-Christian, even though I was exhausted. I guess I had expected him to “protect me” or say “no” for me, but since he did not, I was resentful and was mad at myself too. Why was I angry, though? Everything had gone well, and I am committed to witnessing, to giving my life to Christ and His people. We didn’t have any time to visit—which was what I thought was the purpose of our meeting. I woke up resenting this fine minister and the group of people I spoke to, and I was not sure why. And as I stumbled to the next city to meet with a group of pastors, I was still wondering why I was so upset since my purpose was to love people and help them.
During one session of the pastors’ conference the day after I left my friends’ marathon meeting, I asked each of the participants to write on a slip of paper their most pressing problem as a person in being a minister. Going through the slips, I was surprised to find that one of their main problems was resentment toward the people in their churches. Some felt that the members used them in thoughtless ways which they would not think of using a business associate. Some thought their people had tried to extract every ounce of work they could out of their pastor for the smallest possible salary. There were many other problems, but they added up to a feeling that they were not being treated as persons but were being used as religious equipment.
And then it hit me that although I was a layman in business most of the time, I was as much a professional religionist as these pastors, and I was getting a small taste of that which many ministers live with constantly. People—many of whom love the minister dearly—thoughtlessly make extra demands and set up situations in which he or she either has to participate or appear to be selfish and un-Christian. The pastor in this trap often goes along, wanting to be God’s servant. But because ministers become exhausted and the expectations are unreasonable, he or she begins to feel depressed—beyond mere physical exhaustion. And there may come a strange tightening in the stomach when additional meetings are called or added “duties” are dumped into his or her lap. What I had seen in my own experience was that these symptoms resulted from a repressed resentment of the very people I had flown a thousand miles to love for God’s sake. It was terrible but true.
I saw that my problem as a professional was that I was still too concerned with my own feelings of happiness and satisfaction. I realized that I lacked a sort of divine disinterest in how I am treated. But on the other hand, I saw that we laymen are often “people eaters” in our own churches in that we devour the personal life and creative love of our pastors and spokesmen by the way we use them and fail to think about them with the care we would a friend. And the strange thing is that we never know what we are doing to them on the inside. Some of them resent us for it, but because they have been trained that such resentment indicates self-centeredness in a Christian, they must repress it. So, many ministers become discouraged, burned out, sick (physically or emotionally), or leave the ministry. And they feel guilty and bitter. (Of course many others are evidently emotionally wired for ceaseless activity and find their fulfillment in going constantly.)
But I now realize that my problem, as a layman, is that I have not been aware of the suffering of ministers—which means I have not loved them enough to be sensitive to their needs.
In my own case, as a traveling speaker, I had to make a new beginning by confessing to God my resentment and frustration. I realized that a good bit of the problem that night was mine for not establishing concrete limits and boundaries ahead of time and staying roughly within them. This I can try to do in the future in order to have an intelligent ministry when I travel.
When I got home from that trip, I examined our attitudes in our home church and was appalled at what I saw. We seem to expect our ministers to run the church with fewer staff people than we would dream of allocating to an executive in a business venture of comparable size. We say we love our ministers and are very grateful for them. But somehow we often do not really look at their needs the way we do those of “normal people.”
It seems that I am so interested in my own hopes, dreams, and projects that I have used, unconsciously, other people to the limit—and yet I could not really recognize the extent of my own selfish tendency to use others…until it happened to me.
“Tell me how much you know of the sufferings of your fellow men and I will tell you how much you have loved them.[1]
Helmut Thielicke
Our Heavenly Father
“The longer I live, the more I feel that true repose consists in ‘renouncing’ one’s own self, by which I mean making up one’s mind to admit that there is no importance whatever in being ‘happy’ or ‘unhappy’ in the usual meaning of the words. Personal success or personal satisfaction are not worth another thought if one does achieve them, or worth worrying about if they evade one or are slow in coming. All that is really worthwhile is action—faithful action, for the world, and in God. Before one can see that and live by it, there is a sort of threshold to cross, or a reversal to be made in what appears to be men’s general habit of thought; but once that gesture has been made, what freedom is yours, freedom to work, and to love! I have told you more than once that my life is now possessed by this ‘disinterest’ which I feel to be growing on me, while at the same time the deep-seated appetite that calls me to all that is real at the heart of the real, continues to grow stronger.”[2]
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Letters from a Traveller
Lord, forgive me. I was so intent on being treated well myself that I failed to see how thoughtless I have been in using the speakers I invite to visit our town because I want to share them with my friends. And I see in a hundred ways how I subtly use others to further my plans, and then send them on their way without realizing how they may feel. Thank You that it is not too late to look around and try to be more sensitive to the people with whom I work and live. Please give me the insight, the desire, and the strength to change. In Jesus’ name, amen.
For the minister in me:
“Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others better than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which you have in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
Philippians 2:3-11
For the layman in me:
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ… Let him who is taught the word share all good things with him who teaches… So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
Galatians 6:2, 6, 10
[1] Helmut Thielicke, Our Heavenly Father (New York: Harper and Row, Publishers, 1960), p. 160.
[2] Pierre Teilhard De Chardin, Letters from a Traveller (New York: Harper and Row, Publishers, 1962), p. 160.
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Our teenaged son went to a summer camp a normal, interesting kid who was only interested in football (and I assume, sex). But when he got home last week he was a religious freak, spouting Bible verses out of context with his eyes shining like his team had just won state. I’m a church going Christian and we’ve prayed he’d do the same. But as you once said to me, about another matter, we must have “over-prayed.” What can we do?
A funny thing happened years ago at our house. Kristin, our then teenage daughter, had been learning to drive. She has always been a very alert girl, always aware of where we are and where we are going when we are out driving. I am not. I often drive for blocks past a turn-off, with my mind a thousand miles away. But Kristin was the one who often sat beside me and whispered, “This next block is our turn, Daddy.” She knew our town with her eyes closed.
But when she got behind the wheel for the first time in traffic, it was as if we were in a new city: “Do I turn here, Daddy” . . . Is this the right street?”
I was amazed and thought at first she was teasing me. But then I saw that she was not. A town that she had known like the back of her hand as a passenger became a strange and foreign place when she became responsible for the minute-by-minute decisions of driving. She had to look for a whole new set of objects and distances. She had to see cars backing out of driveways, puppy dogs and children starting for the street, vehicles at intersections, all kinds of street signs, in addition to everything behind her in the rearview mirror. With all of these new things on which to focus—which had heretofore been only a part of the background—she felt as if she were in a different world.
I started to fuss at her and tell her to “Pay attention to what you are doing!” Then I realized that she was very serious and was paying attention. But she was experiencing a reorientation in the same situation because of trying to focus on different elements of her environment. So I said nothing and kept telling myself it was the end result of her training which was important.
As we drove along, I began to understand why it may be that newly committed Christians sometimes appear to be sort of “out of it.” For a while, they seem to be like new drivers behind the wheel—in a kind of daze in which the world they have known appears to be totally different. Because of accepting the responsibility of a new relationship with God and focusing on loving him and his people, they seem to be unaware of things and people to whom they once paid attention quite naturally. Many ministers or relatives are hurt and surprised when a church member gets “turned on” at some sort of non-denominational renewal meeting and begins paying less attention to them while focusing on new Christian friends. They suspect that the new commitment was to a cult of some sort of self-centered pietists. The temptation is to be very judgmental of people experiencing this reorientation.
I do not know how one really ought to handle this situation. But by the end of the week (in our car) I noticed that Kristin knew where she was again. And now she is a much better driver than her father and effortlessly includes both the old things she used to see . . . and the new things she needed to see to grow up and get on down the road.
When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is. When we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.
Goethe[1] as quoted in Psychological Foundations of Education
In training a horse, it is important not to break his spirit because it is his spirit, during and after the training period, which will determine his style and endurance. Does education, we may ask, allow for the expression of the wildness of vitality during the educational process, or does it repress vitality in the interest of form and conformity?
Reuel Howe, The Miracle of Dialogue[2]
A . . . peculiarity of the assurance state is the objective change which the world often appears to undergo. “An appearance of newness beautifies every object.”
William James, The Varieties of Religious Experience[3]
Lord, help us to be patient with new Christians who seem to have lost their perspective as they have entered an “exciting new” relationship with you. If they become temporarily blinded to the ordinary responsibilities and to the old friends—and even to us as parents or pastors—around them, helps us to provide an atmosphere in which this new relationship with you can be tested and translated into deeper relationships with people and you. Help us in the church to trust you enough to let new Christians enjoy the excitement of discovery without our hypercritical judgment—even though there may be some anxious moments about their apparent (or even real) lack of soundness and responsibility. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
And all were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, “What does this mean?” But others mocking said, “They are filled with new wine.” Acts 2:12, 13 NIV
You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. Matthew 5:8 The Message
[1] Morris E. Eson, Psychological Foundations of Education (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1965), p. 39.
[2] Reuel Howe, The Miracle of Dialogue (Greenwich, CT: The Seabury Press, 1963), p. 93.
[3] William James, The Varieties of Religious Experience (New York: The Modern Library, 1929), pp. 452,453.
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Keith, my question is how in the world did the saints get their inner house clean of all the different inner voices of temptation that argue against doing God’s will, so they could be at peace? My problem is that my inner world has a bunch of different voices wanting me to sin and telling me things like, ‘it’s all right, everyone does this. Don’t be a pious nit-picker.’ When those voices win, I go ahead and make the sarcastic mark to shame my wife (and control her), or I gossip about some one just above me on the company ladder so I can get their job—or act out sexually (either actually or through pornography). My question has two parts: 1) Does every Christian have this problem of almost continual temptation or am I just especially evil and self-centered? And 2) how does a serious committed Christian find a way to clean house so he can have some peace as a Christian?
Wow! That’s a mouth full of question!
When I first became a Christian I was amazed at how hard it was for me to be the clean living, clean thinking person that I was told that really committed Christians were.
Fortunately, a wise older Christian mentor told me that he had wrestled with temptations all his life in despair—until his mentor had told him that there are at least two kinds of Christian.
The first kind seems to be blessed with seeing two choices at a time, praying for guidance and then making the right choice in an increasing number of times. But the second kind of Christian is like me and you, who seem to have all kinds of inner voices (rationalizing a selfish or immoral choice) trying to seduce him or her off the trail and away from God and His will.
The old guy who was telling me this thought a moment and then smiled as he said, “Every day I tried to marshal all the good voices in my head and get them to listen to reason—my reason. I prayed that they (the good voices) would all vote ‘no’ to the temptations I faced and I would avoid the sin that was tempting me. But in some areas involving sex and control in my relationships, I never seemed to get a wide majority of voices, yet I somehow managed to squeak by and avoid the major temptations.” My older friend said he got very discouraged because he could never get a 100% vote for God’s way even though he marshaled enough inner voices to get a majority vote. But one day his spiritual mentor advised him that “all you need to have in following Christ is a majority of one vote—just enough power to make the decision to do God’s will.”
My friend’s mentor told him that if his desire to be God’s person in a tempting situation won the battle by only one vote each day for twenty years, the person would be considered a saint! It’s not getting the negative voices totally subdued and quiet and getting a unanimous decision for God every day—as some Christians imply they do—just a simple majority of one can make any sinner into a saint. And he reminded me that even Jesus argued so hard with God near the end of his life not to go to the cross that he only gave in after sweating blood to make the decision—certainly not the sign of an easy win.
And as time went on, the old man told me, he began to trust that in each area of his life, each time he made a decision for God’s will, he felt more confident in his ability to live for God, and trust God to help him make decisions better in the future.
Paul describes this inner battle in the 7th chapter of Romans. He surrenders by asking as you did, “Who could deliver me from this body of death?” And he answers, “Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:25)
The other thing I count on to help with the inner battle to do God’s will is the memory of friends in my present and past who have encouraged me—who have heard my worst and yet who love me, affirm me, and reward me for being honest instead of only for being perfect. These new positive voices have become reinforcements to support my own positive inner voices as they oppose my negative inner voices when I’m alone.
Historically, Christians have seen these positive inner voices as a heroic “cloud of witnesses” who love God and accompany us through history, affirming and loving us (see Heb. 12:1). The church has sometimes called such supportive people (living and dead) the communion of saints. And the late Carlyle Marney (1917-1978) spoke of these positive introjected voices as our “balcony people,” who, though physically absent from us, continue to speak to us and nudge us and motivate us. They are the people—like my men’s group and my wife and some saints who don’t even know I’ve put them in my balcony—who are always up there in the balcony of my mind, cheering me on, even when they may not be physically present. They counteract the negative inner voices, tempting me away from doing God’s will. And most days, with their help, God gets the nod.
Lord, thank you that you will always provide a possible way for me to come to the decision to do your will, even as my negative inner voices try to rationalize or justify the temptations that cross my path. Help me to remember to listen to the inner voices, who are your people, living and dead—my own positive ones and those of my balcony people—when I am seized by the urge to drift from your will. And I’m so grateful that when I fail and confess, that you are more than ready to forgive than I am willing to confess. In Jesus’ name, amen.
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)
Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Hebrews 12:1-2 (The Message)
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Keith, I hesitate to write you about this problem because it seems so ridiculous. But as a Christian, I am bothered continually about whether I am unselfish or not. Several times a day I will ask myself, “Are my motives really pure or is there a little selfishness in this act?” It’s getting so that I hesitate to do and say even kind things because I don’t want to be a hypocrite and I’m not sure if my motives are unselfish or not. Help!
Once when I was going through a period of worrying about my motives, I was reading a book by William Law. In it he said something to the effect that if you don’t know your motives are selfish or not, assume that they are selfish and you will be right a very high percentage of the time. But the point is that my job for God is to surrender my whole life, impure motives and all, because everyone evidently has some impure motives that they can’t even see. We have to ask God to show us where we are ‘impure’, and then get about trying to listen and love people who are lonely, scared or confused and pay attention to them to let them know that God cares for them. Gradually, when I’ve tried to surrender my life to God and ask him to reveal to me where my motives need changing, He has shown me places where I need to change.
Since that time, I have learned that virtually all my motives are at least tainted with selfishness due to the human part of me that wants approval, that wants to “do it right,” and be admired. In fact this almost universal tendency among human beings to put ourselves in the center is one form of what the late William Temple called “Sin.”
Temple said that there is only one Sin (with a capital S) and it is characteristic of every person. That sin is putting one’s self in the center where only God belongs. All other sins (with a small s), like gossip, gluttony, envy, murder, rape, theft, adultery, (among many others), are things we do because we have put ourselves in the center through this Copernican shift. Even if we’ve never committed “sins” that are crimes, when we are in that central position (where only God should be) we become focused on how we “look” to others around us and it is in this place that I’ve found myself many, many times. I still catch myself “painting the best picture” of who I am and what I’m doing. I used to not understand that I was denying or not facing my self-centered motives. Then I read that Jesus confronted the Pharisees for the same kind of denial when he said they could see the tiniest speck of sin in anyone else’s life but couldn’t see the log of the same sin in their own eye.
Realizing that this condition called “Sin” (with a capital S) causes virtually all my motives to be tainted with selfishness, I still didn’t want that seemingly inevitable circumstance to get in the way of my attempts to love God and other people by causing me to hold back until I could act out of pure motives. While perfection is a great concept, and striving for it definitely has a place in clearing up problems in my life, actually achieving perfection in my human situation has been impossible for me. It seems to me that this state of affairs is one of the major reasons God sent his son—because we need to be rescued from our inevitable imperfection.
So although I don’t know about solving the mixed motives dilemma, when impossible questions or problems about my own motives surface, I stop and confess my condition of mixed motives to God. And having made that confession, I try to go on and love people, listen to them and help them, realizing that my motives are always mixed. This has saved me a lot of unproductive worrying time. And it feels better to me to go ahead and help people though not being sure of my motives, than not to help them in order to make sure I am keeping myself clean. So it’s just another leap of faith that I have to make on a regular basis. This is more, I realize, of a confession of having mixed motives rather than a “solution”. But it’s the best I can do right now.
God, I am a totally self-centered you-know-what. I confess it. My worry about my motives has shown me in a subtle way how self-centered I am. Thank you, God, that you sent your son to forgive and to love those of us who see our selfishness, and that you can use people like me with mixed motives to help in the loving and freeing of other people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
It’s true that some here preach Christ because with me out of the way, they think they’ll step right into the spotlight. But the others do it with the best heart in the world. One group is motivated by pure love, knowing that I am here defending the Message, wanting to help. The others, now that I’m out of the picture, are merely greedy, hoping to get something out of it for themselves. Their motives are bad. They see me as their competition, and so the worse it goes for me, the better—they think—for them.
So how am I to respond? I’ve decided that I really don’t care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on! And I’m going to keep that celebration going because I know how it’s going to turn out.
Philippians 1:15-21, The Message
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Keith, why has there been so much emphasis in your work about living for Christ on things like relationships, feelings, the problems people have in trying to love God and other people, and in receiving love? In my day we dealt with the great theological ideas and doctrines of the faith. Don’t you think the “mind” and the doctrines have important places anymore?
Yes, I certainly do think training the mind and trying to understand what you believe are both important. But for over 350 years (since the work of French philosopher and mathematician René Descartes, who died in 1650) many of the scientists, philosophers and psychologists dealing with “man” separated human beings into two distinct parts—mind and body—as if the body and mind did not continually affect each other, either consciously or unconsciously. This was particularly true in the West where scientific determinism[1]has controlled so much of the development of modern medicine. We have practically worshipped abstractions and numbers and doctrines, and theories we consider to be logical but do not come from our experience and are verified by abstract logic. Many theologians brought this separation of the mind and body into their study of Christianity. But the writers of the New Testament did not make this separation. The after life was not a spiritual departure from the separation of the mind from the body. It was the resurrection of the body, mind included.
Both medicine and psychology have since developed a growing conviction that the separation of mind and body does not fit the data. And we know that anxiety can produce stomach ulcers and headaches, etc. It seems that a person’s relationships, feelings, and the sometimes baffling problems of loving and receiving love profoundly affect his or her physical and spiritual health and well-being. Humankind, it seems, does not have a separate mind that “decides” what he or she will believe and then can dictate to the body how he or she will act. One’s entire personality, mind and body, must be in agreement concerning his or her decisions and behavior, or that person may find that the body rebels—he or she cannot sleep, or gets diarrhea, or a knotted stomach, heart trouble or one of a hundred other ailments.
There were many of us who were committed to Jesus’ God who came to believe that this rejection of the separation of the mind and body constituted a great reawakening, since the biblical view of humankind is also that a person is one and not a spirit or mind that inhabits the body. The whole idea of the resurrection of the body seems to be saying that we cannot be “divided” into mind and body separately.
And since Jesus said again and again that our integrity, our behavior in relationships and not our words will truly tell others what we believe, I think that the emphasis on how we Christians live our ideas and doctrines in our relationships is really a return to basic Christianity.
In other words, I think the super emphasis on intellectualized doctrine in the Christian Community that was so prevalent in the early part of the Twentieth century was partly a result of the error of the Descartes split. People thought that if the knew the correct doctrines concerning God and the historical life of Jesus and believed that Jesus died for their sins, they were good Christians. But again and again, Jesus, Paul and the other major players in the gospel story said in different ways that a good Christian is one who puts into practice in his/her life and relationships the love that the scriptures and doctrines describe. And if one claims he is a Christian, but doesn’t love his brothers and sisters, he has missed true Christianity.
I hope that this split is being healed so that we can, under God, become people who can feel and love again as we are in the process of learning to know the content of our Lord’s message.
Thank you for raising this question. Doctrine is important, and I believe either the emphasis on ideas and doctrine on the one hand or feeling and behavior without the other is only a half truth.
Dear Lord, Thank you for the marvelous way you knit each individual together, body, mind and soul. Even as I study Your word, help me to gain knowledge not only of theological ideas and doctrine, but also of how to give and receive love, as you commanded us to do. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love.
1 Jn. 4:7-10, The Message
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
1 Cor. 13:1-2, The Message
[1] The philosophical view that every event, including human cognition, behavior, decision, and action, is causally determined by prior events.
by Keith Miller | Christian Living
I am part of a large family. One member recently died. While he was alive we never told him what a good man he was. Why is it we seem to have to wait until good ones are gone before we really can express what we admired and enjoyed about them?
That’s a really good question. By the time I was 28, everyone in my immediate family (brother and parents) had died. Also, I have been to many funerals over my 83 years. So I have thought about this a great deal. I ran across a comment in a book by the late Albert Camus (The Fall ). Camus said that the reason we find it easier to give voice to our admiration of someone after that person’s death than while he or she is still alive is simple: “With the dead there is no obligation.” And I think he was right in a very real sense.
Your question brought back a memory of a lunch I shared with a close friend some years ago. As we were eating I realized that that he is a remarkable man and has great ability and humility about it. I started to tell him but suddenly felt very awkward and nervous about doing so. I decided to go ahead and tell him, and as I was doing so I realized why I had hesitated. Somehow—because we live in the same town and sometimes work together—I was afraid that he would expect me to “follow through” on this affirmation and provide a deep and lasting friendship—and I wasn’t sure if I could. So I told him about what I had felt and thought as I had spoken about my admiration of him. He responded by telling me that he, too, had felt uneasy hearing me affirm him that strongly, because he was afraid he’d disappoint me if I really thought he was that fine of a man.
But we decided these fears are part of the risk of loving people, and that for us the results in terms of emotional health and happiness are worth the risks. The crucial thing, it seems to me, is to be sure that affirmation is genuine.
Dear Lord, sharpen my conscious awareness of what I value in my friends and help me find the courage to tell them. Help me not to over-affirm, or flatter people for some hidden manipulative purpose, but rather to let others know whenever I recognize something I admire or enjoy or appreciate about a friend. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
O my dear brother Jonathan, I’m crushed by your death. Your friendship was a miracle-wonder, love far exceeding anything I’ve known— or ever hope to know.
(David’s Lament over the death of his best friend, Jonathan).
2 Samuel 1:25-27, The Message
Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.
Proverbs 17:17 The Message
Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.
Proverbs 27:8-10 The Message
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Honesty, Weekly Devotional
Dear Keith, I am having real trouble. Some time ago I heard you speak about honesty and realized that I have been phony all my life. So I decided to change my ways and began to confess to everyone exactly what I feel regarding them and life. My husband was horrified at some of my past actions (which I confessed) and now we are not speaking. I am telling the truth, compulsively, in fact. But everything is cratering. Please send suggestions!
I am not sure what you heard me say when you heard me speak about confessional honesty, but let me tell you what I intended to say. In the first place, confession of old sins may be healthy and not harm anyone. But there are ways in which thoughtless confession can be very destructive to a relationship. Compulsive confession is a bit like vomiting on someone—it may make the confessor feel good—but it doesn’t do much for the recipient.
Some years ago I spoke about the lack of honesty in my own life at a church group meeting. After the meeting an older man came up and said very thoughtfully, “You really spoke to my condition. I’ve been dishonest for years and I’m going to change.” He seemed to be deeply moved about his decision.
About a month later I got a call and as soon as I picked up I heard two hostile words from the other end of the line: “You bastard!” I was dumbfounded. “Who is this?” I had to ask. It was the man from the meeting. He had gone home and confessed to his wife (among other things) that he had often committed adultery over the years. (A fact she had never suspected.)
“Now,” the voice said, “she’s under the care of a psychiatrist in a mental hospital. Got any more ideas about Christian honesty, Keith?!”
As a result of that encounter I realized, in a way I’ll never forget, that raw honesty is not the highest value in the Christian life and in fact that “honesty” can be a very selfish thing, or even a way to clobber people under the guise of being a good and honest Christian. The highest values for Christians are love and concern, and it may be that one may have to confess some things to God before his pastor or a close Christian brother or sister… and not his or her mate (even though there are things which one can confess to his mate in time which will not destroy the relationship). Alcoholics Anonymous has a marvelous plan to the effect that one confesses his sins to a third party he trusts (not the party he has harmed), and makes restitution to the offended party except when making restitution would hurt that person or someone else.
So although I believe in the therapeutic value of confession before a trusted fellow Christian, I try to be careful not to hurt other people just to “get it off my chest.” And I’ve made plenty of painful mistakes even trying to follow that rule.
Dear Lord, thank you for James’ explanation of why I am to confess my sins—so I can be in helpful and healing relationships with you and with others in my life. Help me to be more loving and sensitive to the feelings of other people with regard to my confessions, so as not to needlessly hurt them just so that I can feel better or “keep the rules.” In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.
James 5:16, The Message
Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.
John 13:35, The Message
God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us.
1 John 4: 17-18, The Message
![How Much is Enough?]()
by Keith Miller | Christian Living, Weekly Devotional
Dear Keith, how much ambition is normal? I have been raised always to be ambitious, to use my talents and abilities to the max and “make something of myself.” But recently someone told me I am focusing too much on getting ahead, and that I’m an overachiever—maybe to the point of being self-destructive. If ambition is normal sometimes, when does it become excessive?
I think that a certain amount of “ambition” is necessary to get anything done beyond a mere survival level of existence. Jesus evidenced considerable ambition to do God’s will as perfectly as He could—sometimes paying a great price to do so. So did Paul. Dr. Rollo May, a very perceptive psychologist in the 20th century, said that normal ambition “proceeds from strength, is a natural function of the living being, and is not necessarily anti-social.”
But “normal ambition” becomes excessive and, in my opinion, sinful, when it satisfies itself through controlling, or climbing over, other people, shaming them, or when it is directed toward evil ends. In other words, I think it is natural and Christian to want to accomplish things as long as those things are not (1) bad things for the person as a follower of Christ. (I.e. As long as the goals are not counter to the purposes of God as Jesus revealed them), and (2) as long as the means one uses to accomplish them are not deceptive or destructive to other people.
And for me as a serious follower of Christ, “Ambition” is particularly dangerous, because it is so easy for me to hide the fact from myself that my ambition is often to accomplish things that will make me look good, smart, and exceptional—even when the things I am doing are helping other people. The reason this is particularly difficult is because all motives are mixed, so I must always have the courage to risk being selfish and trust God and my fellow Christians to keep my eyes—and ambitions—focused on God’s will.
Dear Lord, guide me in my daily life and work so that I remember that loving you, and others (as well as myself) is more important than whatever I may achieve or acquire. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here’s what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn’t wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn’t wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn’t wisdom. It’s the furthest thing from wisdom—it’s animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you’re trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others’ throats.
James 3: 12-14, The Message
30-33“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Mt 6:30-33
46-48They started arguing over which of them would be most famous. When Jesus realized how much this mattered to them, he brought a child to his side. “Whoever accepts this child as if the child were me, accepts me,” he said. “And whoever accepts me, accepts the One who sent me. You become great by accepting, not asserting. Your spirit, not your size, makes the difference.”
Luke 9:46-48, The Message
